Surreal Things

One of my big pet peeves is when people refer to things as "surreal" when they clearly have no idea what this word means [I also feel this way about the word literally, but I'm more of an art geek]. Or, if they do, they are choosing to disregard the meaning for the generally mundane. For example, if you were out @ a shopping mall and happened to run into a friend who was trying on the same dress as you - this is not surreal. It would be surreal if your friend was a man, was on fire, was surrounded by melting clocks, if your living room was transformed into the shopping mall or if the store was also filled with dead, rotting donkeys. Or any other surreal thing. A coincidence is not surreal, nor is something just plain strange. The Surreal Life on VH1 is also not surreal. I am a fan of the Surrealist movement in art, although the fact that it is a philosophy and has a manifesto makes it excessively poncy. It's okay though, because I think you can also take it with a great deal of humour, which probably means that I should lighten up on the whole defintion thing.

So, one would think that I would be an ideal match as a volunteer for the Surreal Things exhibition @ the AGO. And I will admit, it's a pretty neat exhibition and could serve as an excellent, although tame, introduction to all things Surrealist. My role as volunteer though - exceedingly dull and literally [yes, really literally] ass numbing and paining. I figure if everyone was sick of me whining and complaining you would have stopped reading...so I'm just going to let it fly. My job was to be @ the exit of the exhibition and to collect those audio wand things that people can rent. And to disinfect them [with a product that is ONLY designed to disinfect audio wands...I can't be the only one who finds this to be weird, wild stuff]. For four hours. My main companion was a tiny, elderly lady volunteer, who, within five minutes of meeting me, let forth with the first of many racist/sexist/homophobic/ageist diatribes [ummm, why would you do this with someone you just met?]. My secondary companion was the roughly three minute Surrealist film preview that looped over and over and over again. FOR FOUR HOURS. Aside from my racist buddy, no one spoke to me and I had to nearly physically assault people to get the audio wands back [in doing so I very nearly swiped both a BlackBerry and an eyeglass case] - only 20 were rented for the entire four hours. Near the end of my shift, my racist buddy set off an entire basket of audio wands - meaning that the most annoying alarm ever sounded for several minutes, while I frantically typed in the seven-digit shut up code [my racist buddy was too busy crying and being overwhelmed to provide meaningful assistant]. Oh, and my ass was both numb and sore due to the wooden stools they had to sit on - two days later my bum is still in pain. I think this time the AGO might truly be the death of me. Only sixteen more weeks to go!

I don't even know why I'm doing this. I mean, people keep saying how volunteering is important and it really is the only meaningful way that I can demonstrate to potential employers that I'm out there and engaged in the areas I most want to work in [no, not the competitive field of audio wand sanitization]. But I think many people don't realize how competitive it is to volunteer in Toronto and while I would much rather be a docent or even the person encouraging people to rent the audio wands, that opportunity doesn't just come along everyday. I'm just not sure that anyone is paying attention. And yes, I'm well aware that one does not volunteer just for the acclaim it might get you...but people are lying if they say that volunteer work is not going on their resume. But I'm beginning to wonder if anyone really does care about volunteer work. This volunteer assignment is unlike my fun times @ the shoe museum - it was miserable [and gross - are you familiar with Surrealist film? the only film to ever make me throw up was Un Chien Andalou and now I get to see it once every three minutes]. I would not be there, unless I felt it benefitted me in some fashion [unlike the shoe museum - I hope to continue volunteering there after I get paid employment]. I spent most of the four hours trying to artfully dodge conversation with my racist buddy and staring longingly @ the folks with the blue lanyards - them's are the folks that are getting paid to work in art...even if it's just the gift shop. I would love that. But obviously with just a degree in fine art and several years of work experience and retail experience, I can't expect to make such a huge leap.