Okay, so today was supposed to be my big old freakout day over how I wasn't ready to go back to work and how I wouldn't be able to handle my new routine and all the rest of it. Unfortunately, I did that yesterday, so I've already started screwing up my blogging schedule. Good stuff. My face was feeling all icky and it all just kinda came tumbling out. Joseph gave me a rather excellent pep talk and now I'm ready. The thing is - I know I would have been ready on Wednesday morning no matter what because that's the kinda person I am. Working hard has never posed much of a problem for me and I know that I do thrive in a routine, structured environment [like a kindergartener - this is why I could never successfully do freelance work or own my own business...I might be able to be a farmer, though].
However, all this is completely natural - I haven't worked full time in over two years - quite stunning to me, especially. Ever since I was eleven years old, I've worked. I would choose the crummiest jobs over no job at all. Until 2007 when I apparently lost my mind and chose quitting. And then chose quitting again when my part-time job didn't really do it for me. Then I chose to not take any old job to just float on by for well over a year. So yeah, it's not just the laziness and such that I'm worried about combating [although that's obviously a factor in my worry]...it's the residue of my former career job coming back to haunt me. My job @ the executive search firm was...intense. I routinely worked 60+ hours per week. I was frequently either in tears @ my desk or throwing up in the bathroom. Not a great scene. And since it's been my only "real" job out of school, it's hard to think of a full-time job as anything but exactly like that [even though I know that's not rational]. And even still, I'm wondering how I will fit it all in...there are so many things that I do everyday...and I don't know how it works when I'm also going to add in working 8 hours a day. I know it *has* to work somehow and I know that I can rely upon my partner for support and that makes all the difference.
And now onwards to the positives...since I'm not using today to fuss myself all up into a thoroughly useless state, I'm trying to think of all of the good things that come with gainful employment. I've been asked by everyone if I'm excited about starting a new job - I'm holding off on answering that. I need to be @ the job for a little while before I can answer that and I don't like to psych myself up too much - I find that great expectations are really the worst thing ever and I have enough disappointment in my life. I'm excited to be getting money moving into my bank account - giving me the freedom to buy and wear fancy work clothes, look at new apartments to live in and plan fun holidays...in addition to many other less superficial things. I'm interested in building my career as well and hopefully this will be a good jump start - a solid organization and a real job...not too shabby for me. I know this isn't my dream job with all the stars aligning...but I don't think I could handle waiting around any longer. But yes, The Unemployed Elitist is no more! Long live The Employed Elitist?
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I'm a little worried about getting back into the swing of things, too (when the time comes for me). I'm sure it's like riding a bike, though, and that it'll come back quickly. Congrats on your new job!
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like you had an awful job. I can understand why you'd be reluctant to go back to that.
ReplyDeleteI work in high tech, and in the glory days (before 2001) at the company I worked for, it was common for people to work late just because they liked what they did and they felt that it was expected. I never really did that - my policy was that I worked my 40 hours a week and then went home unless we were close to a deadline. I survived 6 years of layoffs, so obviously it wasn't critical that I work the extra time.
So basically, my advice to everyone is to manage your workload, make it clear what you can and cannot do, and then at the end of the day, let it go. :) Hopefully this won't be an issue for you in your new job.
Yeah, my previous life was not really one to be envied. The funniest part was that everyone who knew what I did assumed I made a reasonable amount of money. Not so. I will be making more @ this not-for-profit job with defined working hours.
ReplyDeleteA big problem with my previous job was the environment was very toxic. Everyone worked crazy hours and it was totally expected. If you tried to leave before 6pm [and sometimes we would start as early as 6:30am] you got lots of the cut eye. It was horrible. I'm determined to not repeat that. I think it's key that you establish your parameters early on...they at first wanted me to start @ 8:30am, but 9am makes way more sense for me, so I requested that.