Gotcha Day

On my soap there is currently a sorta adoption story going on [it's really Sami's kid, but she's pretending she's adopted the baby] and also the whole Madonna controversy [which, obviously she loves] over the possible adoption of another child for her. So I guess it's got me thinking. On the soap Sami's father chastizes her for adopting a baby when she has two other toddlers [and a teenage son] already. He [rightly] points out that she has no job, no significant other to help her care for the kids and that times are quite lean, economically speaking and that perhaps she could have been more prudent. Sami is indignant. The thing is, I know if her father knew it was really her biological child, he would be super supportive. No one mentioned her being similarly out of work, without a stable partner and financial woes when she was pregnant with twins [from two different dads! eeeee! soaps!]. Biological babies on soaps just bring the insta-love from family - always.

All of this is to say - the thing is - adoption is hard, ya'll. Any yahoo out there with the appropriately functioning bits can make a baby. You don't need a license or anything or to prove in any way that you can or will be responsible for providing for a child. You can have a baby - yes, you can [provided you make it yourself]. However, if you would like someone else's baby - the road is very difficult. I should know. My parents went through the so-called adoption process for approximately seven years and I went through it right with them. Just as my parents were, I was psychologically probed and prodded [yes, even though I was barely four years old when we started] and assessed and reassessed on how awesome of a big sister I would be [and once we had a child in our care I was given regular performance reviews]. The thing is, our family doesn't really have any skeletons - but the adoption procedure wants to know all about your financial history and its possible future and why your great aunt Phyllis twice removed was once admitted to a hospital that one time back in 1974 and why exactly do you want a kid anyway [this seems to be suspicious all of a sudden]? Okay, I exaggerate [but not by much]. The thing is, I don't mean to find fault with the social workers - it's a tough job and one I could never do and I think they do excellent work. But I would by lying if I said it wasn't difficult to be judged like that for years and years - especially because we all wanted to do something good - to give a kid a home and a family.

Then, to the other issue of insta-love. The child that we eventually had placed with our family was...difficult to love [it's hard to choose my words here without sounding like a monster]. He was seven years old and completely out of control. There were moments when he could be sweet and child-like, but overall, he was a terror. His background was pretty heartbreaking [in and out of almost 40 foster homes, abusive, addicted parents, etc.] - though as a ten year old, I didn't really get the gravity of that. I'm sure that our extended family didn't immediately love our new addition. However, if there was a biological link and he grew up to be quite the handful...I think things would be different. There would be insta-love and unconditional love. This is also true in soaps. When asked if he was in love re: the new baby, Sami's father responded that he had just met the baby...I will bet dollars to doughnuts that if he had just met Sami's kid, fresh out the womb [*ahem* - same baby] he would have said that he was head over heels.

This is perhaps another reason why I'm quite certain that I will remain childfree. I had always thought of adoption as something I would like to do if I were to decide to have children. This experience really profoundly affected my life and is kinda my coming of age story in a way...but, the end result was not great or what we expected. Ultimately, my family remained just me, my mum and dad. I hope that we are all happy with that. I know that I am, but it's been a journey to get here.